When the Money Stops

When external conditions shift, the real work begins inside the mind

I’m four days away from my last paycheck.

My final check.

My Q4 bonus.

It’ll disappear fast.

What comes next? I have no idea.

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Right now, I’m trying not to let my mind run wild. A stressed mind won’t solve this. It will only multiply it. I’ve been in tight spaces before, but not quite like this one. This feels different.

This feels like a test.

Not of strategy.

Not of skill.

Of faith.

And if I’m honest, I’ve always struggled with faith.

Grand Opening of the World Peace Temple in Arizona

Empowerment vs. Faith

I was originally drawn to Buddhism because I thought it was about mastering the mind. Not surrendering to something outside myself. I wanted empowerment, not dependence. I didn’t want to give my power away to a higher force.

Then I learned about Buddhist faith.

And I was surprised by how intense it is.

In 2019, I attended the International Kadampa Fall Festival in Arizona. Over three thousand students gathered for the opening of the fifth World Peace Temple. During that festival, we received the blessing empowerment of Avalokiteshvara and teachings on The Three Principal Aspects of the Path by Je Tsongkhapa.

There was also the oral transmission of my teacher’s final book. Three years later, he would leave his physical body.

The temple was full. The air felt charged.

And then we began reciting our root guru’s name mantra together.

Three thousand voices in unison.

There’s a traditional practice in Buddhism called Lama Chopa or Offering to the Spiritual Guide. It’s handed down from generation to generation. As students, we make prayers and offerings, including reciting our teacher’s name mantra.

That day, sitting in the temple, something shifted.

Tears filled my eyes.

My chest felt light.

My mind felt clean.

That was the first time I understood what faith actually felt like.

Not weakness.

Not submission.

But trust.

Trust in the path.

Trust in the teachings.

Trust that the mind can be trained to see clearly.

In the Registration Line at the Retreat Center

What Faith Really Is

In Buddhism, faith isn’t blind belief.

It’s described as a virtuous mind that functions to oppose the perception of faults in whatever it observes.

The key phrase for me is perception of faults.

Our minds are incredibly skilled at finding them.

We see faults in other people.

We see faults in circumstances.

And most of all, we see faults in ourselves.

Lose a job?

The mind says: “You failed.”

“Someone wronged you.”

“This shouldn’t be happening.”

And then the stories start.

But stories are not reality.

Yes, sometimes we are treated poorly. Yes, life can be unfair. But the deeper suffering doesn’t come from the event. It comes from how the mind interprets it.

When we tell ourselves we’re not enough, when we replay grievances, when we point fingers, outward or inward, we’re perceiving a mistaken reality.

Faith interrupts that cycle.

Faith says: Pause.

Look again.

Respond wisely.

Avalokiteshvara the Buddha of Compassion

Unemployment as a Practice

So here I am.

Four days from my last paycheck.

And my mind wants to panic.

It wants to predict disaster.

It wants guarantees.

It wants control.

But control over external conditions has always been limited.

What I do control is how I respond.

Will I use awareness and mindfulness?

Or will I let fear dictate the next chapter?

This is the lesson I’ve seen play out in my life over and over again: we may not control external conditions, but we absolutely shape outcomes through our response to them.

Response influences trajectory.

It’s a choose-your-own-adventure, whether we admit it or not.

So as I sit and stare unemployment in the face, I’m choosing to see it as an opportunity for growth.

I’m choosing not to point fingers.

Not to create villains.

Not to turn this into a story of personal failure.

I don’t know how this will unfold.

I don’t know where the next opportunity will come from.

But I do know this: I refuse to let my mind turn this moment into proof that I’m not enough.

This is my test of faith.

And I’m willing to take it.

Whatever situation you’re facing today, whether it’s loss, uncertainty, or something that feels unfair, I hope you pause before the stories begin.

You may not control the conditions.

But you can choose the mind you bring to them.